One of the things that I learned
through studying the bible was that when we are baptized, we can
enter heaven because our sins have been washed away. For most of my
life though, I have honestly struggled with the idea of heaven. It
might sound strange because I am a Christian, and I know that going
to heaven will be the best thing that could ever happen to me, but a
part of me is still afraid of the unknown.
In my junior and senior year of high
school, I had a teacher who would always give me a hard time about
raising my hand and asking questions. I always wanted for her to get
to the point and to give me all the answers, which irritated her a
lot but it made me uncomfortable. I always wanted to know what to
expect for class and I wanted to prepare myself for what was ahead.
Needless to say, I drove her crazy, but after looking back on my
relationship with my teacher I've grown to realize that I absolutely
hate the unknown. I think that this directly relates to my feelings
about going to heaven and the whole concept of death.
I know it might sound weird to say
because I am a Christian, but I'm honestly not ready to die. I'm
actually pretty terrified of dying, even the thought of breaking a
bone gives me the shivers. I have always been uncomfortable with
talking about death, especially because I know that I have no control
over it and I really have no idea what to expect. I don't know how it
will feel when I pass away and I have no idea what heaven will feel
or be like. All I really know is that it's a place a desperately want
to be, but for some reason that hasn't taken fear out of the equation
for me.
In all honesty, I hope that over time
I will become more comfortable with the thought of going to heaven
and seeing God for the first time. I pray sometimes that I can live
to be around 80 years old and I will be totally ready to face God and
have no fear. Although I have absolutely no control over when God
will take me, I just hope that over the years (Lord willing) I will
learn to look forward to heaven. I hope that I can be one of those
people who will say “I'm so excited to meet my maker.”
Till then, I will continue to study
more of God's word and pray that I can trust Him more and that I can
stop being afraid of death or heaven. I know that maybe some of you
who are reading this may not relate to my situation at all, but I
hope that you can take the time to look into your life and see what
you might be having a hard time trusting God with. We always need to
be working on our relationship with God and I know that we can
conquer our fears through Him.
Isaiah
41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do
not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help
you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all
your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
